Why not wait….??

Many parents often think that opening the door to awkward topics such as menstruation, puberty, sex, etc. will result in too much curiosity—and they therefore, put these important conversations off or leave them in the hands of school or pediatrician, instead.

I recently viewed an old episode of Supernanny in which a family with four children had not yet had a conversation about sex with their 13-year-old son, whose room contained unopened condoms scattered across his dresser. Supernanny Jo Frost was horrified and questioned the parents as to whether or not they’d given them to their son or provided him guidance/sex education. When both parents replied ‘no’ and told her that they just hadn’t talked about it (hoping by not talking they’d ultimately prevent their teen from being curious about and having sex), Supernanny just about had a heart attack on camera!

As a parent of three children myself, I know all too well how weary us parents can become over the years. It starts with sleepless nights caring for newborns, and graduates to the Terrible Two’s and Three’s, and eventually, filled social and activity calendars—all of which must be juggled alongside careers, relationships, marriage and oftentimes, other children. When life is this hectic I can see how conversations (especially the ones we prefer not to have too soon) get put on the back burner. Ask my husband how often I say, “Can we discuss X topic tomorrow?”  and he’d tell you it happens a lot.

Interestingly, after launching Period Packs two years ago, we quickly realized that our clients are mainly comprised of parents who purchase gifts for the special young ladies in their lives after they begin menstruating.  While this is certainly a wonderful time for a young lady to receive a celebratory, yet discreet gift in the mail, we encourage parents to engage their daughters on the topic of menstruation in advance of its actual onset since menstruation isn’t exclusively about the onset of monthly bleeding. These days, we have a responsibility to educate our young women about everything from safe Internet practices to safe sex. We must explain the importance of regular medical exams, hygiene, breast self-exams and overall preparedness.  Young ladies today do seem to have more on their plate than their predecessors—likely due in part to amazing advancements in technology and the Digital Era in general. Information moves rapidly across a variety of platforms—many of which can be obtained right from a handheld device like a smart or cell phone. It’s a little frightening sometimes.

With this easy access to information, some parents assume (or hope) that their engaged and intelligent tweens/teens will leverage the Internet to research the things they need to know on their own. The main challenge with that plan is that not all information on the Internet is accurate (in fact, much of it is pure opinion) and much of it is shared with improper or incorrect context.

I’ve come to realize, now a parent myself, how important it is to have open communication with my children about everything—and I mean, everything.  I have promised them (and myself) that I can handle anything they drop into my lap.  I just hope I can always keep that promise.  Time will certainly tell.

In the meantime, I’ve already started to plan how I’m going to begin discussing menstruation with my soon-to-be 7-year-old daughter. It seems so young, but current research estimates that more young women are getting their period between the ages of 7-14.  Since she’s been around Period Packs for so long, I’m sure she’ll grasp it more quickly than others, yet I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to put off that day for as long as I could.  I’m still in the ‘your my little princess’ phase with her and seeing her grow up—so seemingly quick—nearly breaks my heart.  Alas, some silver lining is that we will begin discussion soon, and my goal will be to wrap it around a few chocolate sundaes, hot cocoas and wonderful one-on-one bonding moments with her in the years to come.  Now that is something to look forward to–YUM!

Tips for Dads: The Start of your Daughter’s Period

The concept of your little girl becoming a woman may be difficult to wrap your head around, may make you uncomfortable, and even cause you to break out in a cold sweat. But, there’s little to fear, fellas….the Chief Maxi is in!

Yes, the onset of your daughter’s menstruation can be an awkward time for fathers, as well as their young daughters, but trust me when I tell you that it is very, very important that you be there for her—especially as she begins menstruation.

Young women between the ages of 8-14 are frankly, fragile.  They are caught between being little girls and women—and there’s very little time for that adjustment to occur. It happens seemingly overnight.  Right before our eyes, our bodies morph — courtesy of curves where none used to be, hair where none previously grew, all married to a series of uncomfortable physical symptoms that can make us downright moody.  It’s a lot to ask at this age when self-image is at the height of development. Self-esteem can be lost for many years with  simply a sideways glance from a boy we like, or an unexpected, embarrassing incident which transpires in front of classmates.

The cult classic, Carrie did a real number on me and several of my friends—especially the scene where the uneducated and highly sheltered Sissy Spacek gets her period and panics. Instead of showing compassion or support, her classmates pummel her with tampons and maxi pads in the locker room shower. That scene was clearly traumatizing not only for the character in the movie, but those of us who had yet to start menstruating….me included.

My father didn’t prepare me for my menstrual cycle. I don’t think he knew how to broach the subject having raised three boys on his own. And…my father was all I had.  I’m confident that the ‘birds and the bees’ talk with his sons was much easier than the day I got my period.  So, to help you and your daughters alleviate some of the awkwardness around this special time, we’re offering a list of suggestions to prepare for this major milestone in a young woman’s life.

(1)   Don’t turn over the responsibility to another woman or completely avoid it.  One of the ancillary benefits of you helping your daughter understand that she is growing up is that you send a message of comfort. You can handle uncomfortable subject matter—and you aren’t afraid to talk with her. You show confidence and innate affection for her by challenging yourself with the sensitive subject matter. Extra cool dad points, scored. You may not have all the answers, but it is absolutely OK to say, “I’m not sure about that, honey, but I am more than happy to find out so that we’ll both know.”

(2)   Separate the onset of menstruation from sex.  While medically, a young woman is able to bear children after the onset of menstruation, there is NO need to insert a discussion about sex within a conversation about menstruation.  You can if you want, but menstruation is biological. Having sex incorporates many facets including your spiritual, cultural and moral beliefs and values system which you can plan for at another time. For now, focus on her period. Getting your period (from a woman’s perspective) can be both exciting and daunting. Rest assured, plenty of your daughter’s friends are likely beginning to talk about it, so she’s not totally in the dark. However, wouldn’t you much rather have her learn about the facts from you rather than a classmate who regurgitates informationto her peers from unknown or unreliable sources without context?

(3)   Become more familiar and comfortable with the ‘tools of the trade’ (i.e. pads, tampons, menstrual cups, washable pads, feminine wipes, sprays the like). Listen guys, you’ve had girlfriends and/or a wife or two, so you know that they use these items. That can’t be completely foreign to you. Don’t be afraid…most are made from cotton, string, plastic, cardboard—stuff you’d find in a Home Depot, so just because they come in pretty boxes, don’t let them scare you.  While you are becoming more comfortable, feel free to walk an aisle of feminine hygiene products with your daughter in tow. Ask her a question about the variety of options to determine how much she knows.  You’ll get a good idea about her level of understanding simply from asking her ‘why do women need all this stuff?’  She may think you are clueless, but thankfully, you’ll be the wiser. In the end, the more comfortable you are, the more comfortable she will be.

(4)   Don’t distance yourself. I know, I know…she’s changing. She’s moody, sometimes downright bitchy, and she certainly doesn’t seem to want a hug from dad anymore….so she leads you to believe. Girls at this tender stage DO desire their father’s support. Simply saying, “you are so beautiful,” “you look really nice today,” “I like your hair that way,” “I still can’t believe how time has flown, and how quickly you’ve grown up..” really go a long way.  Just noticing her provides self-esteem and confidence…just as it did when you cheered her on at swim meets, basketball games, soccer games, band concerts and stage plays.  This is a wonderful opportunity for you to strengthen your relationship with your daughter—so consider taking advantage of it.  And, if all else fails, invite her to go shoot hoops, take a run with you, or even a hike at a local park to just spend some time.  Trust us…we like time with our fellas…Dad included!

Original Period Pack contains all that is needed to welcome your daughter to womanhood

(5) Consider purchasing a preparation kit to celebrate the forthcoming milestone and also give her added access to information, products, and gifts that she may actually like and can really use. I of course have to plug our company, Period Packs, as our mission is simple, to ‘welcome young ladies to womanhood.’ Inside all of our gift boxes is an amazing book, Period., that explains in simple terms the entire process of menstruation, what to expect, and things to start thinking about such as grooming and hygiene. There is also a nifty pullout Parent’s Guide in the back for you that can assist in planning a shared discussion together after she’s read the book, if you like.   And, other companies similar to Period Packs do exist that also carry interesting products at a variety of price points, so there are options.

Ruby's Red Wash--fantastic stuff!

(6)   Expect some overflow.   Yep, blood.  That’s the result of a menstrual flow, gentlemen and this you know very well. You may not like it or even want to know about it, but as your daughter ages, you are going to have to learn to be okay with it—just as you would be if you scraped your knee playing baseball, or sliced your fingers while preparing dinner.  Same stuff….just from a different location.  As your daughter begins to menstruate, she may have leakage onto her underwear, clothes, nightclothes or bed linens.  DON’T panic. There is a fantastic product (eco-friendly no less) that has recently become available that helps remove blood stains quickly and nearly effortlessly called Ruby’s Red Wash. Definitely get some…it works.  Or, blood does wash away in cold water with some help from an over-the-counter stain remover. For really nice clothes however,  use caution as stain removers can bleach and sometimes harm fabrics.

(7)   Consider going with her to her first OB/GYN appointment. Finally, if you are the sole parent, it is important to know that women should begin seeing an OB/GYN physician shortly after menstruation begins. An overview of a PAP smear (the test completed by the doctor to check the cervix for abnormal or cancerous cells) is included in the PERIOD. book, and most pediatricians today can perform these exams as well—just check in with yours first about the timing of such an exam.

Hopefully these tips will provide initial guidance. I can say with confidence that I wish my own father had helped me prepare. Since I was the only girl in a house with my father and three brothers, it was an incredibly awkward and isolating time. Dads today can really make a difference in the lives of their daughters–even in the most unexpected of ways. We hope you’ll tackle the topic of menstruation knowing that you and your daughter aren’t the first to walk this path, and of course, won’t be the last.

A Note to ALL Fathers….

As I read my daughter’s school minutes for the month, one thing caught my eye immediately—the dates for the Annual Father/Daughter Dance. It suddenly occurred to me what we should be writing about this week, and that is, the incredibly valuable and fantastically important relationship between fathers and their daughters.

It’s no secret (given that it is written about on my company’s website) that I am the product of a single-father household.  My mother sadly passed when I was an infant, so my father raised not just me, but my three brothers, by himself in a rural part of Upstate New York.  Clearly, not an easy task, although to this day, I believe that raising a girl amid all that testosterone, was really his greatest challenge.  

My father, you see, is the epitome of a ‘man’s man.’  He worked by day as a dentist, and during the evenings and weekends, prided himself a farmer, cattle rancher, mason and sportsman.  My brothers and I regularly emerged from the warm comfort of our beds to be quickly shepherded into icy blizzards and below-zero temperatures to feed our 300 head of cattle. We built fences, grew corn and strawberries in large fields, drove tractors, bailed hay, and gained a tremendous comfort with the purest definitions of hard work. So, when I reached puberty, it pretty much boggled my poor father’s brain.  He had, for years, raised his daughter just like he raised his sons. Without a female in the house—he knew no better—and did what he thought best. Fortunately, I was a late bloomer (age 14), but even so, when the fateful day came, he was ill-prepared to say the least.

Our elementary school, of course, had broached the subject of menstruation and procreation thanks to the old film ‘Sammy the Sperm and Eva the Ovum.” Anyone else remember that little gem?  I therefore had a relative idea, by 5^th grade, that menstruation would eventually become part of my fate, but never really talked about it, nor was I prepared for it when it arrived.  When it did—oh boy—I was a nervous wreck.  I wasn’t sure how I needed to manage it—and was without the proper ‘tools’ (maxi pads, liners, etc.)

Sadly, when I got my period, women were still expected to wear the huge, gigantic maxi pads WITH a plastic belt that wrapped around your waist! I swear…..it was horrifying! (Hmmm…did I just give away my ancient age?)   Since then however, major strides have been made and young ladies today have many more options—including adhesive pads, reusable/washable ‘green’ cloth pads, menstrual cups, tampons and even organic options of each.  But, let’s return to my poor father….

When I called his office to tell him about the start of my menstruation, he seemed dumbfounded and didn’t quite have the words to engage in a conversation. He fumbled over a few sentences suggesting that I call my Aunts to talk about it, and mentioned that he’d be home in a little while with some ‘supplies.’  I wasn’t sure what to do in the interim. Did I shower? Did I wad up some toilet paper in my panties to catch the blood? Was I to experiment with an old t-shirt?  Needless to say, those few hours of waiting were troublesome for me as a young girl. The next day, while wearing a gigantic maxi pad my father had brought home from the store, I visited the school nurse.  She put together, in a small box, samples of maxi pads and panty liners from Proctor & Gamble, and a brochure about ‘Getting Your Period.’  After school, I pulled out these items and poured over them as if they were the most valuable items I’d ever received.  In the hour it took to review everything, I calmed down and felt much more comfortable with the changes my body was undergoing. It made a WORLD of difference.

The reason I share this story is two-fold. First, I was recently contacted by the incumbent middle school nurse from MY own middle school of days past, requesting a few Period Packs for them to keep on hand.

Her email read, “I am a middle school nurse with 1,000 sixth through eighth graders. We live in a widespread school district that is semi-rural. We also have a number of single fathers. This would be nice to give to these young ladies with no female role models in the home. I would appreciate a few kits. Thank you!”

It was if my past and current life suddenly collided……..!

Secondly, as I read the note about the Father/Daughter Dance, it gave me pause to realize that it isn’t just single fathers, but ALL fathers who play a role in the development of their daughters.  Just as parents celebrate the tiniest of milestones together: first steps, first solid foods, first words, and successful toileting, so should both mom and dad be involved in celebrating the onset of their daughter’s menstruation. 

Now, I realize this is territory that makes most men gag in disgust, but c’mon guys, your wives/girlfriends menstruate and you know all about it.  Your little girl WILL become a woman one day. It’s a biological certainty—even if you opt to bury your head in the sand about it.  And, what most men don’t realize is just how VALUABLE they become during this evolution in their daughter’s lives.   Yes, you’ll be forced to stand the heat as your premenstrual little lady suddenly becomes mysterious and quieter around you, and occasionally barks for no reason at all.  But, at the same time, treating her as special as you always have is paramount.   And some days, it won’t be easy!

Given the nature of hormones and feminine outbursts, most men run for the hills when the women in their lives turn the corner towards PMS.  Yet, imagine how that little girl of yours feels as these hormones surge endlessly through her being!  She’s growing up, and going through puberty—yet remember, she’ll always be your daughter.

Simply sending the message, “I love you and you will always be my beautiful girl” can do wonders for a woman’s self-esteem.  Knowing that there is a man in her life that she can trust and that loves her unconditionally will make an amazing difference-even if you don’t immediately feel the results.

So, I leave this as an open letter to all fathers…to at least consider being involved with your daughter’s cycle of puberty. It’s easy to toss this responsibility to your wife, girlfriend or a female sibling, but remember: you’ll be there at her wedding. You’ll celebrate that day just as you will the day your daughter gets her license or wins a trophy for the sport or activity within which she excels.  You don’t have to run around and do cartwheels as your daughter enters puberty, but consider being a male cheerleader. Remind her how much you love her. Remind her how beautiful she is in your eyes, and finally, remind her that as her father, you’ll always be there for her.

These little gestures WILL make an impact….trust me.

To aid your precious daughter towards being prepared, consider sending her a Period Pack™.  We offer several unique designs to introduce the concept of menstruation as well as celebratory items to make this step less tenuous for all involved.  If you mention that this blog post as the reason you ordered, we’ll take $5.00 off your total purchase price to boot!

   **To see what a fellow father says about Period Packs, visit Daddy’s Hangout: http://www.daddyshangout.com/product-reviews/period-packsreview).

Travis Williams, father of three, shares his thoughts—from a male perspective. **